I've always had this... fantasy, I guess, of going off into the desert, fasting and meditating. Weird fantasy life I live, eh? Still, it appeals to me. To strip down everything. No internet, no books, no news, no music, no food even. Nothing at all to do but focus down all my attention like sunlight through a magnifier, to a sharp point, to get down to what is really there.
I admit a lingering fascination with the "Desert Religion," of going off to the desert to find God; of those Zen monks cloistering themselves away on some remote mountain for decades, of the Irish monks of my own heritage, floating off in rickety little boats, possibly all the way to America, looking for a quiet place to live and pray on the remote rocks of the harsh northern Atlantic.
In much of this, I know my 9 years of Catholic schooling must have had their subliminal effect; there's no such thing as an ex-Catholic, after all. But it seems like just about every "wise man" in history had to go off alone somewhere to figure things out. Do I have aspirations of being some such wise man? You're goddam right! Maybe someday, anyways.
I suppose I would be partially looking for "enlightenment" out there. Mostly, though, I just want to know what I'm like without all the input, information and culture being laid upon me every second. No distraction, nowhere to run to, nothing to hide behind. No excuses. Just a pure experience. A bit like what I wrote about in my Gorilla Suit of the World post.
What would I find?